


The Road to Recovery

by Timelad (Fyahlord)



Series: Doctor Who Road Trip [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Doctor Whump, F/F, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Graham, Protective Yaz, Road Trips, Sad, Team as Family, Whump, Yas/Doctor feels, but gets happy, probs not for a while, sweet ryan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-08-20 05:44:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fyahlord/pseuds/Timelad
Summary: After saving the earth from another alien invasion The Doctor is left TARDIS-less and broken. Scarred both physically and mentally she falls into a deep depression, isolating herself from team TARDIS.All hope seems lost…then Graham buys a van and team TARDIS take an unwilling Doctor on a road trip.It might not be the same as travelling through space and time, but maybe they can all heal a little bit along the way."To say The Doctor had experienced loss, would be an understatement, however after everything that had happened, she always managed to bounce back. Expect the one time she didn’t.Yaz and Graham had to almost carry her out of the rubble, the scar where the battle had taken place. Bodies of innocent bystanders littered the ground, but once again The Doctor had done it… she had saved the world.The blue box was long gone, lost, some where between time and space, neither here nor there. It had been the sacrifice for humanity. It had left the scar in its wake. "





	1. Loss

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, so im not ded, first dr who fic, because I'm loving the new season and had to write about it. This hopefully will be pretty long, still working out some stuff, but hopefully y'all like it.  
> Sorry to anyone who reads my carmilla fics, I know I said i'd update them, but they are pretty much dead sorry. 
> 
> Please leave a comment let me know what you think. I apologize for any bad grammar in the story, I'll do my best to fix it/edit future chapters better.  
> Enjoy :)

Chapter 1 – Loss

 

To say The Doctor had experienced loss, would be an understatement, however after everything that had happened, she always managed to bounce back. Expect the one time she didn’t.

Yaz and Graham had to almost carry her out of the rubble, the scar where the battle had taken place. Bodies of innocent bystanders littered the ground, but once again The Doctor had done it… she had saved the world.

The blue box was long gone, lost, some where between time and space, neither here nor there. It had been the sacrifice for humanity. It had left the scar in its wake.

“We can get it back right” Yaz had tried “there’s always a way, right Doctor?”.

But The Doctor just stared silently, face bloodied and bruised, marked with tear tracks. Her friends had never seen her like this, The Doctor always seemed so invincible, so full of life. Now she seemed small and empty, her ripped grey coat swamping her fragile body. Her right should slumped down at an angle, leading down to a crooked wrist, clearly broken. Her hair was singed off, near to the scalp on the right, and the skin around her eye was twisted and cracked. Bloody fingers flexed and un-flexed, the skin peeled off on her palms. A soft groan escaped her chapped lips, and she squeezed her eyes shut, rocking back and forth on her heels.

“Yaz…” Graham sighed patting the young woman on the back “I think she needs some space”. Yaz nodded, leaning slightly into the touch, she felt herself shaking, like all the energy had been sapped from her body.

Ryan hobbled over, his left leg trailing painfully behind him.

“What happened” he puffed when he reached the group. Graham and Yaz shared a looked, neither of them were exactly sure how to answer.

“It’s gone” The Doctor whispered, her voice cracking. The other watched as The Doctor, limped off, back towards the Scarred ground. Like Ryan, a foot trailed behind, perhaps twisted or broken, the other couldn’t tell.

“It’s gone” she repeated, too herself “It’s gone. It’s gone. It’s gone”. Her voice became hysterical as she repeated the phrase over and over again, her body curling forward so her head was almost touching her knees. Her knees gave out, hitting the ground with a sickening thud. Bloodied hands clawed at the earth, a trail of red marking the land.  

“Doctor!” Yaz cried out, rushing over to the blonde. Her hands found the Doctor’s shoulders and she tried to pull her friend to her feet.

The Doctor screamed, a horrible sound her friends had never heard and hoped to never hear again. She twisted in Yaz’s arms, throwing the younger woman to the ground. Her eyes were glassy, as if she wasn’t really there… but somewhere far away, and terrible. Yaz saw a flash, something dark in The Doctor’s eyes, and she couldn’t help but scramble backwards on her elbows.

“Hey hey hey” Graham hushed gently, trying to calm The Doctor down, but also putting himself between her and Yaz. He could see she was becoming unhinged, and the last thing anyone wanted was to set off a traumatised alien.

The Doctor stopped, her eyes focusing again, a brief look of remorse washed over her face and she turned away, her eyes not meeting the group’s. She didn’t apologise. Instead she went back to quietly groaning, sometimes muttering incoherently.  

Yaz tried her best not look scared or hurt, as Ryan awkwardly hopped over, helping her to her feet. Her body had also been through the ringer, landing on her already bruised back didn’t help. She dusted herself off and did her best to look unphased, but a pin prick of fear remained lodged in the back of mind.

“Come on” Graham sighed slowly approaching The Doctor. He gently a hand down on her uninjured shoulder, “Lets go home”.

The Doctor looked mournfully up to the sky…. “Home”.

 

* * *

 

The day after the battle was won The Doctor disappeared. Perhaps it was selfish, her friends had suffered too, but she was so tired.

Yaz was angry when she learnt The Doctor had left. That night they had all stayed at Ryan’s and Graham’s, all of them too broken to be alone. Ryan had disappeared into this room as soon they had entered the house, hopping up the stairs on one leg. Graham had done what any good English man would do and made a cup of tea for the group, though they all sat untouched on the table.

Graham offered The Doctor his bed, who declined with a frantic shake of the head.

“Doc come on, you’re… you’re really hurt, you need to rest” His eyes trailed over the twisted burn across her face, it was an angry red, raw and shiny.

“I said no” her voice was hard, and hollow. She wrapped her coat tighter around her, before storming off to the front porch, the door slamming behind her.

Out the widow they could see her standing there, staring up at the stars, her look of forlorn was gone, now replace with a vacant stare. That was the last they saw of her, she was gone by morning.

 

Yaz left soon after The Doctor, storming off home in angry tears. She wanted… no needed to see her mum.

Ryan was confused, he knew what happened was bad, but it wasn’t like The Doctor to up and leave. He sulked around the house for the next few days, barely leaving his room. His leg had been broken in the battle, as if having dyspraxia didn’t make moving around awkward enough. He made more YouTube videos, most recapping the adventures he had been on in the TARDIS. The comment section was less than kind… many people calling bullshit, as if they hadn’t seen the sky open up and the earth collapse in on itself days before.

Graham felt lost, he wished Grace was here, she’d know what to do, she always did. He had sent the ‘Team TARDIS’ group chat multiple messages, no replies. He had to fix this, it is what Grace would have done. They were his family, his kids, he need to protect them.

 

Yaz had become a woman on a mission, spending her days and nights at the station, using what ever police resources she could to track down the Doctor. She was pissed. How dare The Doctor leave, after everything they had been through. When she found her, she would slap her… then hug her, then maybe slap her again for good measure.

How hard would it be to find an injured short blonde alien… The Doctor didn’t have her TARDIS, how far could she run.

Quite far it turned out, or at least it seemed. 3 weeks and nothing. Not one hint or clue as to where The Doctor might be. Graham had been constantly messaging the group, checking up on everyone, kind of like a team grandpa. She felt bad about not responding, but neither had The Doctor.

It was weird to think a 2000 plus year old Alien had Facebook. Yaz couldn’t help but smile scrolling through ‘Jane Smith’s’ profile. The Dp was a group photo, Team TARDIS, with The Doctor smiling from ear to ear between Yaz and Ryan, arms stretched out around their shoulders. And to think, the photo was only taken 2 months ago.

Jane Smith’s about section simply listed Travel as an interest and her only friends were the Team… and the odd few Celebrities.

“How do you know Prince Harry” Ryan had asked one time.

“Saved him from a Zygon once” The Doctor replied with a wink… then the topic blew up into what a Zygon was.

Simpler times… well if you can consider space and time travel simple. Before the nightmares had begun.

It was now a common occurrence, Yaz hadn’t slept well in weeks. She was tempted to message Ryan about them, to see if he had the same ones. But she wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. Graham seemed to not be sleeping well either, seeing some of his messages had been sent in the early hours of the morning.

They were always of that week.

Sometimes they are too late, The Doctor falls and the world is consumed by flames. Other times its of the screaming, the bystanders as they were cut down, Ryan as his leg was crushed, The Doctor…

She can still smell the smoke in the air and the blood on The Doctor’s hands.

Aside from searching for The Doctor, work had become her sanctuary.

After finding out she had been there, when the world almost burned, her superiors started giving her more to do. No more parking disputes, which meant longer hours, which meant goodbye sleep.

That night she had been in since 5 am and could feel her eyes drooping every few seconds as she filled in some mundane paper work. That was perhaps the only thing she missed about parking disputes, less paper work. Most of the squad had left, many of them had families to get home to, but her family… now asked too many questions.

The case she had been working on was definitely… something. Two men had both stabbed each other over a pint of beer, both being rushed to hospital. Luckily neither had died, but the bar owner had also pressed charges, as neither men had paid for said pint and had destroyed a window in their ensuing fight.

She wished Ryan were here… he’d be cracking jokes, which would go completely over Grahams head, and The Doctor would be rambling on about how she had gotten into a knife fight, well not exactly a knife fight, but a sword fight and how swords are just basically long knives.  

She dared a look at the clock, 7pm, not late enough that she couldn’t go home and make it in time for dinner with her family. But then she’d be stuck at home… with her mum, and all her questions, about what happened.

She rested her head on her desk and let out a heavy sigh. Maybe she could just have a quick ten second brain nap, she thought as her eyes began to droop again.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

The buzz from her phone startled her, causing her to throw her head back and twinge her neck.

“Dam” she hissed rubbing the pitched area.

She looked down at her phone

1 message: Grey-Ham

What did the old man want now, she thought cruelly for a second, then regretted it. Graham had been nothing but patient and kind to her since everything… and she hadn’t even said thank you. She hadn’t said anything.

She flicked her finger lazily across the screen, opening the message.

 

*Hey so I bought a van… also I might know where Doc is*

 

 


	2. She Burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part one of what the doctor is up to, following the events of chapter one, warning is a bit dark and depressing
> 
> was planning on writing more but its super late here, hope you enjoy, I'll hopefully have chapter 3/part 2 of the doctor stuff soon :)  
> let me know what ya think  
> and enjoy

Chapter 2 – She Burns

 

Her feet ache… no scratch that her body aches… no scratch that her everything aches, her mind and hearts included.

 

She had waited till the others had turned in for the night, when a new burst of energy hits her, she needs to get away, to escape. Run to the furthest reaches of space, but all she has is her legs, well leg, one still hung limply. She was out of regeneration juice, it would have to heal with time. Her face on the other hand… she didn’t want to think about that.

She hobbles as far away as she could before collapsing in an underpass after what seemed like hours. She was use to running, she liked running… but not like this. Her lungs let out a painful wheeze. She had nothing, but what was left of the clothes on her back. She had no money, no home, no… TARDIS.

 

She drags herself to the wall of the underpass, scrapping her elbows along the pavement, a few more cuts won’t matter. A chill had settled in the air. Hour before she had been burning, now she could see her breath as a shiver ran down her body. Her breaths were laboured and short, she felt herself becoming dizzier with each second. A rib or two were defiantly broken. Or perhaps it was the panic setting in. She hadn’t had one of those in a while. In fact, should couldn’t think of a time in this body at least.

Her back connects with the wall as she lifts herself up, so she was leaning on her elbows. She let out a long hiss as her shoulder rubbed against the concrete wall.

A shaky hand makes its way to the burn along her face, before quickly retreating as a sting, no a throb was left in its wake. A sob escapes her lips, and a fist angrily hits the pavement, ripping off forming scabs on her knuckles. After a beat of lip biting, the hand once again ghosts across the burn. It… feels weird, is her first thought, its bumpy, but also wet… you’d think a burn would be dry, but its wet and sticky.

Again, the hand meets the pavement, this time a defeated slap rather than a punch. Both arms flopped limply at her sides. Her breathing once again becomes erratic. She doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t like not knowing what to do. She always has a plan, a backup, an escape.

The first quiver is soft, barely audible, she bites down on her tongue to keep it in. The second one comes out suddenly, unexpected and loud, before the flood gates open and she openly sobbing.

A passer-by might think nothing more than a crazy homeless person, no second looks. Not the woman who had just save the world… again.

Her ribs scream in protest as she folds in on herself, hands pressing into her eyes, her burn agonising as her rough palms scrape it. The pain is deafening, her ears are ringing in away she has never experienced. Maybe it will swallow her up, she prays.

She doesn’t even realise she is screaming.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oi” proceeded by a jab… nothing.

“Hey” another jab, this time a stir.

 

Something is touching her. She whimpers like a wounded animal, curling further into herself.

“You can’t sleep here” a ruff voice calls, but it sounds so far away.

She opens one eye… the other refuses to open, almost like it can’t. Her face is pressed against the wall of the underpass… there is light streaming from above her hood, which is covering her face.

“Come on, you gotta move, my boss will have a shit fit” the voice says again, a man, sounds young.

She rolls over slowly towards the voice. The movement is agonising, she groans as she does, a wet cough escapes her mouth and a few specks of blood dribble down her chin.

“Holy shit, what happened to you” the voice is now closer…its in her face. She can see the blurry outline of a large man as he leans in. She flinches away, her body coiling on its haunches like a cat. The pain dulls for a second as she readies to defend herself.

“Oh shit” the man says again “I better go get Barry”, he begins running off, before sprinting back.

He lets out a heavy puff “Stay here”, before charging off again.

Once he is out of sight, she uses the wall to lift herself up. She doesn’t remember falling asleep, her head feels heavy, like its going to topple off at any moment. Her right eye… feels weirder. Some how her body feels worse than before. Stiff joints also now plague her, and everything is too bright. Her good eye squints, the sun is still soft, indicating it is still early. For a second, she selfishly wonders if the others have noticed she’s gone, if they are out looking for her.

Her mind flashes to a frightened Yaz on the floor, as she towers above her. A confused expression on Ryan’s face and the look in Graham’s eyes. He was protecting Yaz… from her. They were all hurt, because of her. The thoughts are too much, she can feel herself swaying. Something is bubbling her throat and she feels sick to her stomach.

Her hand slaps against walk steadying herself as she hunches over. It is a mixture of blood and bile, but it is mostly liquidly like water. It hurts her mind whimpers. Thankfully it doesn’t last long. In a way she feels… not better, but less worse.

Muffled voices can be heard above the underpass, she can hear that man… and who she presumes is Barry talking. She cannot stay here.

She sucks in a breath, before testing her legs. They are wobbly and threaten to give way on her first few steps.

“Come on” she rasps angrily staring down at her useless foot. It hurts to talk, all the ash and smoke she had breathed in the day before.

The voices get loud, and she pushes her self on. At the end of the underpass, it opens into a wooded area, she can hide amongst the trees.

It is probably only 50ms away, but the walk seems like a life time. When her foot meets the soft grass, it slips, sending her tumbling down a slight incline. She rolls until her back hits a tree, nearly knocking the wind out of her. Her broken shoulder lets out a sharp burst of pain, before going completely numb… that’s not good she thinks. Her brow furrows, a rage sizzling inside of her as she pushes herself back up to her feet. Anger is what is keeping her on her feet, she never knew this body could be so angry… not until the past few days.

“There’s no woman here” comes a louder, much older voice as she ducks behind a tree.

“I swear she was right there, Baz she looked pretty messed up I think we should- “

“If this is you trying to get out of cleaning up this shit you graffed on this wall then you can forget it”

 

The voices muffled in the distance, as she limps further into the wooded area, until silence. She presses on, until she comes to a small opening. Her body cannot go any further. The walk has exhausted her, and she’s feeling sick again. Vomit unwilling spills out again, followed by a few dry heaves. Not better, less worse, she thinks again, sinking to her knees. Some vomit speckles her coat, but she doesn’t care. The coat is already filthy. Yaz and Ryan will have to take me shopping again, she thinks wistfully, as if the past few days hadn’t happened. Her head was starting to feel funny.

The ground is wet with dew, but it feel nice against her cracked burnt skin, as she plops heavily down against a tree. Suddenly she’s feeling hot again, sweat is pooling on her neck and dripping down her fore head. The saltiness stings her burn.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there for, but the day slowly drifts to the afternoon. She knows a fever has set in, everything is sluggish, she can feel her good eye quivering as it drifts around aimlessly.

Perhaps she will die out her, she thinks… huh not a long regeneration. Briefly she wishes for death, force herself to change, leave behind this sick and broken body. But deep down she is still a coward, she cannot will herself to die, it is not in her nature.

A bird flutters past, landing on a log in front of her. Suddenly it becomes the most interesting thing in the world, her fevered mind is draw to it. After a few pecks for insects, it flies off disappearing into the sky.

“Ha” a single sharp laugh escapes her lips, followed by another, a bit higher and more manic. Until she is double over, laughing, tears weeping out of her good eye, something else thicker coming out of the other one.

She stops suddenly and sits back up almost robotically. Silence.


	3. Hunger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo I'm back, soz it took a little longer than I thought it would, it is a bit longer than the other two chapters, I'm trying to write more in each chapter.  
> Hope you like it, I'll hopefully have the next one out soon, and I promise all the characters will be back together by then and the road trip can begin :)  
> I might write some flash backs to what happened in the battle later on but still debating it. 
> 
> let me know what you think   
> hope you like it.

**Chapter 3 Hunger**

The past week had been rough for Graham. All the progress he had made with Ryan over the last few months seemed to have flown completely out the window. Now their relationship had become almost hostile, at least on Ryan’s end.

He tried not to take it personally, the boy was frustrated. It had been a hard year for them both, losing Grace. And now Yaz wasn’t talking to them, and The Doctor was missing. Graham wanted to think The Doctor would be fine on her own, ‘she’ll bounce back, any day now she’ll come running through the front door, an adventure ready for us’.

But she didn’t, and the days turned into a week. A sense of dread grew in the pit of his stomach, things were not going to be alright again, at least not for a while.

When he went to work, he would keep an eye out for her. A flash of blonde hair would make him slow the bus down in case it was her. He had already had 6 complaints that week for being late with his stops.

Today he finished work early after being sent home by his boss who claimed Graham needed to get his head together before coming back.

 

The house was quiet when he got home, as was the norm now. Sometimes in the silence he’d still see Grace, but tonight he was all alone. Two defrosting TV dinners sat on the counter top, causing Graham to shake his head. Ryan couldn’t even be bothered to heat up dinner.

“Ryan come down for dinner” he calls placing the meals in the microwave. Grace would have made something better.

No answer.

The trek up the stairs seems pointless, but everyday Graham tries.

“Hey” he knocks on his step grandson’s door “I made dinner”.

“I’m not hungry” came a muffled response.

“Come on mate, you gotta have something”

A heavy sigh is let out, followed by some stomping, until the bedroom door is flung open.

“What” Ryan’s voice is dull, an ever-present frown now marks his face.

“Um, bland chicken and mushy looking vegetables are on the table” Graham smiles “Not the best meal I know, but hey I got some ice cream we can have for afters”.

“I’ll have it in my room” Ryan says, closing the door.

Before it is all the way, Graham stick his hand in. “Hey come, I’ll help you down the stairs, lets have a family dinner together”.

“We aren’t a family” Snaps Ryan and he immediately feels bad at the look of sadness in Graham’s eyes, but he doesn’t apologise.

“Ryan” Graham sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose “Look I know thing are hard at the moment but we’ve got to-“

“Got to what Graham” Ryan raises his voice, flinging the door open, limping a few steps forward.

Graham doesn’t answer.

Ryan takes in a heavy breath, clenching his fists. He stares down at his leg in a cast… useless his mind snarls angrily at him. He looks back up at Graham and can feel the rage that was building spill over.

“I should be out there, looking for her!” he shouts, “I’m her friend!”

“She would have moved heaven and earth to find us, saved my stupid ass so many god dam times” he continues. ‘I wont cry, I won’t cry’ he tells himself, but he can feel tears beginning to form.

He’s panting now, his eyes no longer looking a Graham, he can feel the heat of embarrassment building in his cheeks.

“Instead I’m stuck here” he hisses bitterly.

There’s a beat of silence, Graham tries to think of what Grace would do in this situation. Probably a hug… but he doubts Ryan would want a hug from him.

“I can’t even sleep you know” Ryan lets out a humourless chuckle “Because every time I do…”

He chokes on a lump in his throat and his eyes grow mistier.

“Because every time I do” he whispers, voice shaky “I see them… they’re just lying there, ya know, like you wanna shake them and tell them to get up, but they won’t”.

Graham steps forward, a look of horror on his face as his step grandson breaks down.

“They were just fucking kids” Ryan sobs “There were so m-m-many of them”.

Graham didn’t care anymore if Ryan would accept it, he pulls the boy into a bone crushing hug. Ryan sobs shuddered against Graham, the older man just holds him tight.

And somewhere beyond this life, Grace smiled.

 

* * *

 

 

Everything seemed to be slower now and coated with a fuzzy edge.

Time had always been a bit of a blur for The Doctor, being a time traveller and all.  Now it seemed to slip by. How long had it been? A day, a week, a month? She had stayed in her wooded sanctuary for as long as she could. Or at least the fever had sent her into a fitful state where she was unable to move, constantly slipping in and out of consciousness. If she was human, she would have perished after the first night, when the temperature dropped, and a light frost covered the ground.

But time lords sadly were made of stronger stuff.

It was torture, visions of the past haunted her fevered mind. The Time War, Rose, Martha, Donna, Amy, Clara, Bill and River… oh gods River. And the people who had died just days ago. All she had left were her mistakes.

Most of her days were spent face down, the cool grass the only relief against her sweat covered body. The weakness of her body left little time for her to mourn over the TARDIS, every second was spent trying not to pass out again. She failed, often.

But when she did think of the TARDIS an emptiness filled her, sinking deep into her stomach and creating an aching in sternum. It was like a part of her soul had been drained from her body, leaving a hole in it’s wake… not that she believed such a thing was possible. Scientifically it was not… but the feelings, or lack of they were real, and they shadowed her every thought.

As time continued to slip, a new feeling began to emerge. A gnawing feeling, deep in her stomach. She was hungry.

How long had it been since she ate? She wasn’t sure. Vague memories of custard creams filled her thoughts. She bit down on her lip forcing back a cry… she was not about to get emotional about custard creams.

 “Right” she groans, forcing herself to sit up. “Woah okay” she flops back down as a wave of dizziness hits her.  

“New mission, food” she grits pushing herself back up, she has a plan, plans are good. A rush, no a rush is too big, a pinch of energy flows through her as she shakily gets to her feet. Everything throbs, but she’s up, legs wobbly like a baby deer.

Walking through the forest is still a task, but her mind has focused for the first time in days. Every few metres she has to stop, leaning against a tree or a rock to catch her breath.

Finally, she comes to the underpass. It looks empty, no sign of whatshisname and whatshisname 2… her mind still isn’t as sharp as it was. As she makes it to the end of the underpass and steps out unto the street, she catches something reflective out the corner of her good eye.

The puddle was a dirty brown colour, littered with leaves and bits of rubbish, but still clear enough The Doctor could peer into.

The woman that stares back is a stranger. A Shadow of a once powerful Timelord. Someone who made empires fall with a few words now looks gaunt and broken. Her face is a rainbow of colours, one half purple and blue, the other red and yellow. Her good eye is dull, its hard to focus on her reflection with it. It lazily rolls around, taking in her appearance.

At first, she tries to avoid looking at it. She knows it’s there, she can feel it, the throbbing heat radiating off it. But it’s so large, she cannot look away.

A monstrous scar gnarled and jagged, covers the right side of her face, fusing her right eye shut. The skin is marred with bubbles, flicked like paint over the surface of an angry red and yellow canvas. Cracks dance across the skin, flaky and sore. The urge to scratch it is unbearable.

Her hair is also a mess. Twigs and leaves are mattered into the left side, she picks them out slowly, wincing as they snag.

The right side had experienced a little regrowth, short blonde tuffs sprouting in patches. However other areas remained scarred and near hairless.

The Doctor was never what one might call vain, she was generally oblivious to her looks, aside from the fact she still wasn’t ginger. But ugly was the first thought that pops into her head. A trivial thought she sighs internally, childish and vapid. But it doesn’t go away, no matter how hard she tries to will it.

The right sleeve of her coat hangs in shreds. She rips a piece off and ties it around her eye, creating a makeshift eye patch. She hisses as she tightens the fabric and she can feel some of the bubbles burst, seeping into the sleeve. She looks back down at the puddle and gives an approving nod at her bandage job. It covers most of the eye, but her scarred cheek is still visible. It will have to do for now.

The streets were relatively empty, based on the sun, she guessed it was around 6 am _. 6:15 to be exact, though tired and fevered, she was always the smartest person in the room… or side walk._

Across the street she can see a line of women forming outside of a brightly lit building.

‘Sheffield Women’s shelter’ the sign above the entrance reads. The people inside were handing out sandwiches and other assortments of food to the women entering.

The Doctor looks around, as if expecting Yaz, Ryan or Graham to appear out of nowhere, but they don’t.

She hobbles across the street, pulling her coat around her and using the collar to cover her face, as she joins the back of the line.

Eventually she makes inside. The inside looks cheap, plastic chairs are sprawled out with no pattern or organisation. Half of the people inside smile brightly whilst the other half look worn down and tired. It’s weird and makes The Doctor feel wary.

Some one lightly pushes her from behind, and she lets out a hiss as the hand touches her broken shoulder blade.

“Hurry up” a high-pitched voice came from behind her. She turns around to see a young woman with dark shaggy hair, a thick scab trails from her lip to under her chin and a blooming bruise covers her left cheek. She didn’t look older than 18, but her eyes were that of someone much older.

“What” snaps the girl and The Doctor spins back around.

She follows the line awkwardly until she is at the front.

 “Is this free food?” croaks The Doctor pointing at a tray full of sandwiches. Curried egg, she didn’t know if she liked curried egg, the yellowness of the mush was off putting, she didn’t like that colour.

“Yes, everything is free, help yourself dear” an older woman with crooked teeth but a kind smile answers, handing The Doctor a squishy pear.

The woman eyes flicker to make shift eye patch, then quickly look away. She’s seen all manner of injuries on the women who pass through the shelter. Some food and a bed might not fix everything, but it helps.

“Oh brilliant” The Doctor whispers, her lips forming the closest thing to a smile in days. She bites into the pear with ravenous hunger. It tastes awful, she’d forgotten how much she hated pears.

The older woman watches curiously as this strange blonde woman cringes with each bite but shows no signs of slowing down. Once the pear is gone The Doctor greedily grabs a sandwich, giving it a good sniff, before wolfing it down as well.

She smacks her lips together when she’s done… curried egg sandwiches, go on the yes list for food.

“Are you hurt” the older woman asks, eyes trailing up and down The Doctor’s body “That shoulder is sitting a bit funny”.

The Doctor doesn’t reply. She shuffles awkwardly, swaying between each foot, the intense gaze of the older woman was making her uncomfortable.

“And that eye is definitely infected” the woman adds, she could see the discoloration of the bandage, and a sour smell emanated off the blonde.

“Come along, I’ve got some things out back that can help clean you up” the woman says in a nonsense voice, grabbing the Doctor by her good arm.

The Doctor frowns but allows the woman to steer her.

 

* * *

 

 

Things weren’t prefect, but when are they ever. But the next morning Graham felt a slight spring in his step.

Ryan had eventually calmed down. Things were awkward, Ryan came down for dinner, but was mostly dazed for the rest of the night. After eating he thanked Graham for dinner and shuffled quietly up to his room.

Not perfect, but a start. There was hope.

Ryan’s words of the dead children and nightmares concerned him deeply though. Those kinds of scars could not be healed simply by tv dinners and ice cream. Graham had his own nightmares to fight, but he wanted to be there for Ryan.

He hoped Yaz would reply soon, he didn’t like the idea of her suffering alone, and she might be able to reach Ryan in ways he could not.

He decided to walk to that morning, the air was crisp, but the sun was out. The fresh air might do him some good. He was on his way to do some volunteering. Back when Grace was still alive, she would volunteer down at local shelters, using her nursing experience to help out. Ever since her death and when he wasn’t travelling with The Doctor, decided to carry on Grace’s charitable work in whatever way he could.  

 

“Hey Buddy” a voice calls out from across the street.

Graham turns to see a man in his mid-30’s, dressed in a shabby suit waving him over. A cigarette hangs lazily from his mouth and behind him is a rather dodgy looking car lot.

“Morning” Graham says slowly to be polite.

“Yeah yeah” the man brushes it off “you looking to buy a car mate?”.

‘Good sales pitch’ Graham thinks to himself sarcastically, “No thanks”.

“This one here, 75% off” the car sales man continues, point at a rusted white van and one of the side windows is covered in masking tape.

“I can see why” Graham mutters… looks like something a kidnapper might drive.

“Come on buddy, my boss told me I need to get rid of it by the end of the month” the man shouts as Graham continues down the street.

“Good luck with that” Graham calls back, with a nod.

 

* * *

 

 

The back room was small, but packed full of stuff. Boxes and cans lined the walls, a table was cramped in the middle, surround by the same plastic chairs from inside.

“Now you sit down here” the woman steers The Doctor into a lime green chair.

The woman then walks over to a messy bench, rummaging through piles of boxes and paper work, muttering ‘it’s here somewhere’.

The Doctor sinks further into the chair, not unlike a child slumped at their desk during a boring maths class. She’s hot and sore and wants to leave, go back to her spot in the woods.

“Ah here it is” the woman says triumphantly, holding up a rather banged up looking first aid kit. She spins around with a smile; The Doctor looks back unamused… why do these people smile so much.

“Alright, lets take off that coat and we can-“

“No” The Doctor shakes her head, sinking further into the chair.

“Come on sweet heart I need to take it off” the woman approaches slowly, placing the first aid kit down on the table.

The Doctor doesn’t move but pulls the coat around herself more. Sweetheart… sounded too much like sweetie, she didn’t like it.

The woman sighs heavily pulling up a chair to sit in front of The Doctor.

“What’s your name” the woman asks gently, her smile is now less bright, softer and more comforting. The Doctor relaxes slightly.

“The Doc- Jane”

“Nice to meet you Jane, I’m Karen” the woman… no Karen replies.

A pregnant pause settles between them. Karen watches ‘Jane’ patiently. The blonde has a surly look, that somehow seems unnatural for her face. Her uncovered eye is a soft hazel colour, contrasting to the hard, unreadable look in it. That look also seems out of place, and she doesn’t even know this woman. Karen imagines in her head bright, excited eyes and an ever-present cheeky smile… there’s a spark in there, other worldly and pure… but sometimes trauma can over shadow that spark.

Karen knows she has to help this woman.

 “Do you trust me Jane” Karen asks, every word is slow and calm “I promise I’m not here to hurt you, I just want to help”.

The Doctor stares at Karen with an air of suspicion, but eventually gives a curt nod.

“Okay now, lets start by taking off that coat, I’ll help you with the arms”.

Both women stand up, with Karen holding The Doctor by her left shoulder. Pulling the coat off her right arm is agonising and as she twists out of it, she lets out a sharp bark of pain.

“I’ve got you” Karen reassures comfortingly, and The Doctor looks down in shame. She has to be helped out of her clothes like a child. Pathetic.

The shirt underneath has remained mostly intact, with the coat taking the brunt of the abuse.  The suspenders though were long gone, ripping off completely in the battle.

Her right forearm is also burnt up to the elbow, though not as bad as her face. Both palms are skinned, and the top parts of her hands are littered with cuts.

“Woah” Karen says, and suddenly there are two hands on the waist steadying her. She hadn’t even noticed herself falling. She feels floaty again.

“Okay let’s sit down again”. Karen helps ease her back into the chair.

Karen drapes the tattered coat on the table “Maybe a nice wash and some stitching and we can have it looking as good as new” she adds with a smile; The Doctor just hums in acknowledgement.

A callous hand gently touches the burn on her possibly broken wrist, it stings, and she snatch it back, hurting it more in the process.

“And here I thought you were tough” Karen teases, and The Doctor gives her an out of character glare. She was in no mood for joking. Karen touched her wrist again and this time The Doctor allows it.

“Hmm” Karen hums, gently twisting the wrist over to get a look at the other side. The Doctor scrunches up her face in pain, a Gallifreyan swear word threatens to slip out, but she bites down on her tongue.

“I can’t tell for sure without an x-ray if its broken, but I’ll make a bandage, splint and sling for you to keep it supported, but I would suggest getting check out at a hospital” Karen voice is matter of fact and The Doctor can deduct the older woman has some medical/nursing background.

“And I’ll put some cream on for that burn” she adds, after a bit more poking.

The cream is cold and makes her skin feel pasty, but it does sooth the pain a bit. She winces as Karen applies it.

“Thank you” The Doctor whispers, her wrist throbs, the bandage is scratchy, but the sling helps take the weight off her sore shoulder.

“Your welcome” Karen smiles, smoothing out the sling “is that too tight?”

The Doctor shakes her head, she gives Karen a tight lip smile, but it is more a polite gesture then a genuine smile. She looks down at her lap as Karen turns to rummage through the first aid kit some more.

A wave of emotions rush over her, sadness, relief and a hint of something unidentifiable, she feels silly as tears begin to form in the corner of her eye. Why was she crying, she didn’t know anymore, but the emotions were too much. Her old body wouldn’t be crying like this, her cheeks reddened with humiliation, as more tears spill down her face.

“Hey, hey its okay” Karen quickly moves to be by her side.

“I…I’m not normally like this” The Doctor chokes out “I’m fine… I’m always fine, I just…don’t know what to do… she’s always been here for me, and now she’s gone, and I can’t get her back”.

The Doctor continues to ramble and Karen cannot keep up. When the blonde begins to hyperventilate Karen’s nursing experience kicks in.

“Jane” Karen is calling out and The Doctor can hear words like ‘breath’ and ‘its okay’ faintly, as if they are coming from inside a vacuum. And then there’s another noise… a knocking sound.

Karen’s voice drifts away and she’s talking to someone at the door. The Doctor lets out an unflattering snort as she tries to regain her breath. It hurts, she feels like the wind has been knocked out of her, but she takes in a deep shuddering lungful of air, then another. The world slowly drifts back, though a little fuzzy. She can hear Karen’s voice clearer, as well as a man’s.

“Hey this isn’t a good time, can you just help out the front for a bit, I’ve got this woman in here, she’s not feeling too good” Karen explains.

“Oh my god” the man exclaims, pushing past Karen.

The Doctor spins around so fast in the chair, that she sees spots in her eyes and gasps at the sharp pain in her shoulder. She has to take a second to compose herself, her good hand rests against her broken shoulder and she lets out a few harsh pants.

The man rushes forward to help, but she puts her hand out to stop him.

“Doc” his voice is quiet and unsure as he kneels down in front of her.

What’s left of her blonde hair hands limp, covering the front of her face.

“Graham” she chokes out, blinking back tears. No more crying she wills herself, trying to regain composure in front of him.

She slowly lifts her head, meeting his eyes… they look tired, but who was she to talk.

She expects to see pity and sadness, but instead he breaks out into the brightest smile she ever seen from him.

“Hello Doc” he beams.


	4. Starvation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back, sorry I've been gone so long, thought I could get this chapter out before uni exams, but failed ahah. Now thats over I've got more time to write. I tried to make this one a little longer to make up for it. It is a little slow which I apologise for, but next chapter is ROAD TRIP TIME :)
> 
> Also this chapter was Beta'd by the lovely somethinginaspacesuit so please check out their stuff its amazing, I can't thank them enough for their help :) 
> 
> Also I was thinking of writing some future one shots about yaz and the doctor based on this fic, just so I can just write more stuff for you guys, so just let me know if you'd be keen, or if you have any prompts of suggestions, I have a tumblr now which is https://pukingstardust.tumblr.com/  
> Im still kinda new to all this, but thanks for all the lovely comments

Chapter 4 Starvation 

****

“Hello Doc.” he gives a half smile.

He’s found her, she looks like hell, but he’s found her, and he can’t help but smile. He reaches out for her left hand which lies limp in her lap.  A finger brushes a finger, before she quickly snatches it away. She flinches and blanches under his touch. Her eye, the one that can, squeezes shut and she lets out a low groan. 

Not wanting to upset her, he pulls back giving her some space.  He raises his hands up in a peaceful gesture. 

The dumbfounded look on the Doctor’s face would typically be a source of humour for him. It was fun to watch the genius alien get confused over the simplest of concepts. But with a mangled face, she just looked so  _ lost _ and it didn’t seem that funny anymore. 

He has so many questions.

‘Are you okay?’ Hangs silently in the air, but he doesn’t need to ask to know the answer. It’s painted across her face, figuratively and literally. No, she is not okay. Neither is he. The bandage covering her eye breaks his heart. Everything about her now seems fragile, like she could break at any moment. Or perhaps she was already broken, and he needed to put her back together again. 

The silence is crushing. Even before he and the Doctor didn’t talk much, she was mostly off with Ryan and Yaz. But he enjoyed listening to the trio. The Doctor made Ryan laugh and Yaz blush. A light radiated off her that was infectious. Now she couldn’t even meet his eyes. 

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” he says, trying coax a reaction out of her. The Doctor lets out a long wavering breath, but otherwise remains silent. 

“I’m sorry but do you two know each other?” Karen cuts in, her tone is that of confusion and a mild frustration. 

Graham nearly jumps in fright, he’d forgotten Karen was even there. He wishes she wasn’t. 

“Did you say she was your doctor?” The older woman continues, her eyes flicker between Graham and the Doctor when she still gets no response. The woman is suspicious. She has every right to be. Graham just can’t bring himself to explain it all now. 

“Karen can we have a moment alone please?” Graham says, his tone less asking and more telling the older woman to leave. It comes out colder than he intended, but he doesn’t care. 

Karen hesitates. It seems she realizes this might be a bit bigger than her, though.“Sure, can I get you two anything?” she asks, plastering on that wide fake smile again, and the Doctor flashes the woman a look.

Graham knows that look. It’s the ‘Please don’t leave me alone with this person look’ she gets when Ryan starts rambling about Call of Duty. Evidently Karen seems to think its one of anger.

“A sandwich for this one and maybe some juice would be lovely.” Graham says sheepishly, shooting Karen a thankful smile, crossed with a look he hopes is saying ‘Sorry for kicking you out.’

Karen simply nods before ducking out the door, she returns with two more sandwiches and two apple juice boxes, handing one to Graham and the Doctor. 

“Alright” Karen pauses. “I guess I’ll be out here if you need anything.” She shares one final look with the Doctor  and disappears out the door. 

“Hmm, tuna and cheese.” Graham hums inspecting his sandwich, trying to speak casually. “Not my favourite. What did you get?”

The Doctor stares down at the sandwich sitting in her lap. Egg curry. She unenthusiastically holds it up for Graham to see. 

“Curried egg. Nice.”

Another awkward silence falls between them. Graham unwraps his sandwich, taking a few bites, its bland and dry, but he chokes it down. The Doctor’s sandwich remains in her lap untouched, she fiddles with the wrapper around the juice box straw. 

“Want a bite?” Graham asks, offering up the other half of his sandwich, “It’s not great, but you look like you could do with some food in you.”

Another beat of silence, the Doctor stares at the sandwich, a wary look in her eye, that akin to a wounded animal. Slowly she reaches out and takes the sandwich. She nibbles the corners and picks at the bread with her red raw fingers. Graham internally winces at them, but otherwise remains unphased. ‘Another time’ he thinks. 

“What do you think?’ Graham queries after she takes a few more bites. 

“I like it.” The Doctor rasps with a shrug. She offers Graham what can almost be considered a smile, Graham returns it with a chuckle. The Doctor goes back to picking at her food, but a feeling of tension seems to lift from the air. 

“You would,” he teases “You and your weird palate.”  

The Doctor gives a short breathy laugh “You humans have the weird palate. Some of the stuff you eat, blegh.” The Doctor pulls a face.

“Blegh?” Graham’s smile brightens a little.

“Yes, blegh.”

“You’re over 2000 years old and the best you can come up with is blegh?” He’s laughing openly now, and he can see the spark of a mischievous glint in the Doctor’s eye, like old times. 

She politely offers him half of her curried egg and the pair finish off their food in a more comfortable silence. During their travels, when she wasn’t talking a mile a minute or running off on a new adventure, the Doctor would sometime sit with Graham. Often at night, when the others had gone to bed, the aches and pains of old age and the loss of Grace keeping him up. The Doctor never seemed to sleep but would grow softer and more quiet during their midnight meetings. Not much was ever said, sometimes they would share a drink of tea or hot chocolate (the Doctor’s choice). It was a sober affair, two old souls having a weary rest together. He appreciated not being alone on those nights, and he knew the Doctor did too. 

They had become his family. The Doctor included.

“Yaz and Ryan will be so happy to see you.” He smiles wistfully. 

The mood suddenly shifts again and the glint in her eye quickly disappears. 

“Don’t tell the others.” she demands, the mirth from earlier gone from her face, she now looks at him with a cold hard stare. 

“What?” He sputters. 

“Don’t tell them you saw me.” Frustration rings in her voice, as if Graham’s confusion had annoyed her. .

“Unbelievable!” He blurts out, his tone biting, inflections of anger seeping in. The Doctor glares at him equally defiant.

“Go on,say it.” She hisses.  

“It was just a ship, Doc.” Graham sighs.

A white-hot rage flows makes its way through the Doctor. She jumps to her feet, wobbling slightly as the anger keeps her upright. 

“It was not just a ship!” She shrills. 

That was the issue. To Graham it was just that, a ship. A fun past time to escape the mundaneness of their lives. They hadn’t given up everything for the world. She was tired of giving. When was it going to be someone else’s turn? She thinks. A dumb question, how can it be someone else’s turn, when she so willing throws herself in the line of fire before anyone can even make that choice. 

“You’re being selfish.” He knows he’s pushing her and he gets to his feet.

“Shut up Graham.” The Doctor warns, tone deadly serious. He watches as she grips the head of her chair for support. She refuses to stand down. 

“We want to help you; don’t you get it?” He’s pleading now, exasperated. Everything was meant to better now. He’d  _ finally  _ found her, and now he was going to take her home and make everyone happy again. It was wishful thinking, nothing is ever that simple, but goddammit if he wouldn’t try. 

“I don’t want or need your pity.” She snapped. 

“Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. The Doctor I knew would never give up.” He sighs sadly, anger slowly fading. He’d seen this woman fight monsters from all across the galaxy, seen her stand up for friends and foes alike. She made hard choices even when no one else supported her, because they were right. Now she was running away from them. 

“You clearly know nothing about me then.” The Doctor’s words were ice.

“Clearly I don’t.”

It was like looking at a stranger, the shine and magic was gone, who was left was foreign and unknown. Perhaps this was the true Doctor, underneath the façade. He shied away from that thought as soon as it came into his head, unwilling to entertain it.

A strangled cough came from her throat, ending their argument. Her hold on the chair tightens and her knuckles turn white as the coughing fit takes over. Whatever ill blood had stirred between is forgotten and Graham rushes too her side, helping her sit down. 

“Come home with me… please.” He begs. He holds her hand and this time she doesn’t pull away. 

“I can’t.” she grits, stubborn to a fault. Tears cannot be held back any longer, they silently run down her face and she can feel her lip quivering. She knows if she opens her mouth again, she won’t be able to contain the sobs. 

He rubs circles on the top of her hand. It hurts her raw skin, but she doesn’t pull away, it feels nice in a strange comforting away. The Doctor is so tired, she wants to rest her head on Graham’s shoulder, close her eyes as he holds her close. Let him rub her back and whisper nonsense in her ear. 

“What can we do to help?” Graham’s voice wavers. He uses his thumb to wipe away the tears from the Doctor’s face. She flinches at the first touch but eventually leans into his rough wrinkled hand. 

“I’m sorry Graham.” She whispers in his ear. “Please forgive me.”

“For what?” 

“For this.”

Suddenly he feels a strange numbness wash over him as the Doctors fingers softly jab into the side of his neck. His arms and legs feel like noodles and he flops to the floor. He feels floaty, it’s kind of nice.  A content bliss fills him as he lies prone on the floor of the shelter, he closes his eyes letting the numbness over take him. 

****

“...aham! Graham!”

“Hmm, Grace?” Graham slurs with a dopey smile. 

“No, it’s Karen, from the shelter remember? You passed out. I’m going to call an ambulance.” 

The word ambulance sobers him, and he suddenly sits up. 

“Wha- No, ‘m fine.” He takes a moment to get his bearings, Karen hovering over him, concerned. 

“Where- where’s the Doctor.” he asks, stumbling to his feet. Karen holds his arm as he does so.

“Doctor? I can get you a doctor if you need one.” Karen pulls out her phone. 

“No, I mean my friend.” He corrects, storming out the door with Karen hot on his heels. 

“You mean Jane?” Karen asks suspiciously, her phone is out and ready to call an ambulance. 

“Where is she?” He exclaims, a bit too loud, people lining up outside look at him and Karen takes an unconscious step backwards. 

“I don’t know. I went to help some women whilst you two were talking. When I came back, she was gone, and you were on the floor.” Karen shakes her head confused. 

“Dammit.” He grimaces. 

He walks home defeated. What was he going to tell Ryan? ‘Hey I found the Doc’ and I also lost her in about ten minutes.’ His relationship with Ryan was already on thin ice, this could break it. 

He couldn’t tell Yaz, she’d be just as disappointed, if not more so. Her and the Doctor had a special kind of relationship. They were all close, but something about the Doctor and Yaz was different. The touching, the slightly longer stares and smiles, it was obvious. Well, to him and Ryan at least. The Doctor seemed oblivious to most intimacies and Yaz… He was sure Yaz would never admit it.

‘Don’t tell them you saw me.’ Echoed over and over again in his head. 

His journey home is slower. There’s no longer a bounce in his step. Instead he ambled along, feeling older than he had in a long time. 

He’s almost home, in the distance he can see the car dealership. The same man is harassing a young couple, nearly chasing them down the street ‘Come on buddy.’ and ‘You’ll be doing me a favour.’ being thrown around. The couple duck across the street to avoid him and Graham can see the man give them the finger from behind their heads. 

The dealer makes eye contact with Graham and a slimy smile spreads across his face. 

“Hey, you’re back!” The used car dealer greets him. 

Graham lets out a regretful sigh and stops. 

****

The Doctor had timed her escape well it seemed. She made it all the way across the street without anyone even noticing her. 

She manages to make it back to her secret little spot without much issue, Other than the pain and the whole limp thing. By the time she makes it to the tree she’s again exhausted. What little energy from before has been drained and she collapses at the base of tree in a sweaty heap. 

Guilt bubbles away in her stomach. Perhaps she could have left things better with Graham. In the moment though, all she could think do do was run.

She just needed more time. More time alone to think and plan. Then she could go back and face the others. She didn’t know what she was planning, or how she could make anything right again, or what the point in even trying was. She just needed more time…

****

* * *

 

 

Three days had passed by and still no sign of the Doctor. He had last one week before telling the others. Ryan was understandably upset that Graham had both lost the Doctor and not told him about it. The younger man was now out of his room and on crutches, which he found difficult to use only adding to his frustrations. 

Not to mention the van, which still sat undriven (excluding the journey back from the dealership) on the verge. Ryan had not been pleased and had called Graham a sucker for giving in and buying it. Then Graham suggested painting it blue, which really set the young man over the edge. Graham found himself on the receiving end of the silent treatment, not that they talked much before.

He had yet to face Yaz, but he could tell a storm was coming. He had only texted her a few minutes ago, followed by an immediate “I’m coming over” text, the slamming of a police car door outside, and the stomping of feet on the front porch. She hadn’t even commented on his new van.

“Where is she?” Yaz demanded upon entering the house. The door slammed behind her as she stomped into the room, a mismatch look of concern, excitement and a hint of anger. Her eyes roamed the room frantically. Ryan raised an eyebrow but said nothing. 

“Oh hello Yaz, come right in. Would you like a cup of tea?” Graham tried to joke as Yaz locked eyes with him, staring intently.

“Where is the Doctor?” Yaz presses. 

“Well the thing is” Graham hesitates, “I kinda lost her.” 

“You lost her?” Yaz exclaims and Graham cringes. Maybe he could have worded it better. Ryan gives him an annoyed look. 

“I dunno, she did that crazy alien Kung Fu stuff on me!” Graham protests “Apparently I was knocked out for five minutes. Thanks for your concern by the way!”

Ryan snickers and Graham shoots him a half-hearted glare. Yaz looks unamused, her arms are crossed, and brow furrowed. She’s a lot scarier than an angry Ryan, at least when the Doctor’s concerned, Graham decides. 

“Look guys, I’m really sorry!” Graham apologises. He already felt like an idiot all week. He’d been visiting the shelter every day since, in hopes to catch the Doctor again, but she had once again vanished. 

Yaz’s face softens at his apology. 

“Where was the last place you saw her?” Yaz asks, her police training kicking in. She’d never worked a missing person’s case before and finding the Doctor right now seemed nothing short of a miracle. She was injured, half out of her mind and still running circles around them.

“The women’s shelter down the road.” Graham replies. 

“How… How was she?” Ryan asks he sounds hesitant, like deep down he doesn’t want to hear the answer but is compelled to ask anyways. 

“Ah, not good mate.” Graham says truthfully. “She looked pretty bad.”

He doesn’t go into the details, but the look on his face is enough. Yaz paces agitated, she suddenly feels flushed, a sense of dread building in her stomach. The Doctor was in a bad shape when she had last seen her, and that was over a week ago. 

“I-“ Yaz begins to say, before turning on her heels and walking out the door. A loud thumping follows her and she can hear Ryan calling after her. 

“Yaz! Yaz wait up!” he shouts, hobbling down the porch steps, nearly tumbling when his crutch gets stuck. The other crutch goes flying into the side of Graham’s ‘new’ van, hitting the door with a loud thud. Not that another dent would matter. 

“Shit!” Ryan yells as he lurches forward, luckily Yaz turns around just in time to catch him. He falls awkwardly in her arms. He flashes her a half-hearted cheeky smile and she almost drops him on his ass. 

“Sorry.” He mumbles as she struggles, but eventually helps him to his feet. 

“It’s okay.” Yaz pants, her tone a little colder than usual. She didn’t have time for this.

“I want to help you. I want to help you find her.” Ryan says a look of desperation in his eyes “I can’t stay in that house cooped up any longer, please.”

Yaz ponders this for a moment before she nods.

“Come on then, I’ll even let you ride up front.” She teases, feeling like herself for the first time in ages. A weight seems to be lifted off Ryan, he beams at Yaz. He throws his crutches into the back seat and leaps one-footed into the passenger seat, limbs awkwardly flying about as he scrambles into the chair. 

“If the Doctor were here, she’d ask for the sirens on.” Ryan smiles as Yaz hops in the driver’s seat. Yaz frowns at the mention of the Doctor. The image of a dishevelled but excited Doctor in an oversized suit begging her to put on the sirens, flashes through her mind. She takes a long breath to compose herself. If Ryan noticed her sadness, he says nothing, which Yaz appreciates. 

“You know I could get suspended for that?” Yaz answers, trying to maintain a professional presence. 

He channels his best Doctor puppy eyes, a sure-fire tactic to make Yaz cave to almost anything. 

“Just for a little bit?” he asks. 

Yaz groans loudly but concedes, though she does let him know her displeasure for the entire car trip. Ryan just laughs at her.

“Do you think we will find her?” Ryan asks quietly as the laughter in the car dies down.

Yaz doesn’t answer, opting instead to grip the steering wheel tighter. She wants to say yes, to stay positive, but the last few weeks have drained her. She’s not sure what she thinks anymore. A part of her knows if they do find the Doctor she might not be the person they once knew. Yaz is okay with that. None of them are the same anymore.She just wants the Doctor back. 

“Did you see Graham’s new van? What a hunk of shit.” Ryan says, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Hmmm.” Yaz hums, a half-hearted smile on her face. 

“He says he wants to go travelling. Just don’t know if I could without the Tardis.” Ryan adds glumly.

“Yeah…”

The week comes to an end, the trio’s Doctor hunts still being unsuccessful.  

Ryan’s mood seems to have switched from self-loathing depression to an overzealous need to find the Doctor, whilst Graham and Yaz’s moods seem to plummet and sour with every passing day. Graham feels guilt and an overwhelming sense of responsibility after losing the Doctor. Yaz on the other hand went from angry and frustrated to a persistent melancholy presence drifting in and out of the house. 

********  
  


If time was slipping before, now it all but ceased to exist for her. Everything seemed to move too fast or too slow. 

Afraid to face her friends again the Doctor remained hidden in her secluded forest. 

The hunger and sickness grew, the pains and aches replaced with a numbness and the sorrow became an emptiness. 

Soon she grew too weak to move. But she found she didn’t care; the fight was gone from her. Her isolation proved to be useless, she had no plan and at this point she wondered if she had any friends. 

What was even the point in trying anymore? 

****

* * *

****

As he had done for the past week now, Graham waited patiently outside the women’s shelter in hopes to catch The Doctor again. He can’t decide if he’s going to hug or strangle her next time, he sees her. All he hope is the thick grey scarf around his neck will protect him from anymore alien Kung Fu that might come his way. 

Karen continues to fuss around the shelter. She’s been also looking out for ‘Jane’ and has kept Graham up to date with the activities going on at the shelter. 

Today was no different though. 

“Graham,” Karen sighs “she hasn’t been back.” The pair stand stiffly outside as a gust of wind blows past. 

He doesn’t reply. He eyes scan the street for the hundredth time, he’s been here for hours now and he can feel a headache growing. 

“Look, I’ve got some work I need to do, but if I see her, I’ll give you a call.” She adds. 

“Thanks, Karen.” He solemnly nods. 

She places a hand on his shoulder for comfort, before walking back inside the shelter. 

Graham is about to give up for the day, just as hears a scream coming from across the street. 

It’s high pitched, too high to be that of a grown woman though. He turns to see a child darting out of the tree line. 

“Jamie!” A woman on the street chides at the child. “I told you not to play in there!”

“There’s a zombie in the woods!” The little boy cries running across road from the parkland. 

Graham watches as his mother squats down taking the hysterical child into her arms. 

“Calm down sweetie.” She coos. “There’s no such things as zombies.”

“No, I saw it, it was g-g-groaning, and it-it had a melted face! It tried to eat my brains!” He shrieks, pointing towards the tree line. 

“Where did you see her? The zombie I mean?” Graham interjects, and the mother of the child gives him a threatening glare.

“Excuse me?” The mother scolds, pulling her son closer. 

“It was in there!” The little boy trembles again pointing towards the wooded areas. 

“Thanks.” Graham calls over his shoulder, as he jogs off to the woods as fast as he can. 

****

“Doc!” He bellows, hands cup around his mouth.

He’s been walking around for about 15 minutes now, with no luck. 

“Dammit!” He hisses, nearly tripping over a fallen branch. “Doc!”

Maybe he should have brought Yaz with him. Her police training would be useful right about now. Every tree he walks past looks the same, and he swears he’s seen that same rock 5 times now. 

He is well and truly lost. A chill begins to settle as the day passes on, he really should have brought a thicker jacket. He wraps his arms around himself and presses on. 

“Come on.” He grumbles, his breath now a present mist. He has to find her before nightfall, he can’t leave her out in the cold, not again. 

A soft howl alerts his ears. His mind immediately thinks wolf, until reason kicks in.There aren’t any wolves in Sheffield. He still picks up a log, just in case. 

As he follows the sound it becomes clearer, and suddenly he’s running after it. 

He finds her, slumped over at the base of a tree. The hood of her coat hangs over her face, a few strands of straw blonde hair stick out and her chin is almost touching her chest. Her arms lie stretched out at her sided, palms skywards. The boy was right… The Doctor did look like a zombie. 

The only indication she was even alive was the slight rise and fall of her shoulders. And the rattling wheezing. It’s ghastly, like her lungs are fighting to breathe and on the cusp of losing with each breath. 

“Doc?” Graham hesitates, inching closer to the sagged form of the Doctor. Her head bobs jerkily upon hearing his voice, and her neck flops backwards almost unnaturally. Her face is gaunt, cheekbones pronounced and shallow. She was already thin and lanky, now she was bordering twiggish. It been almost 4 weeks now, had she eaten anything other than a few sandwiches? He shudders at the thought. 

An unfocused eye darts around, rolling in and out of her head, until it sluggishly fixes on him. 

“Gr’hm?” The Doctor slurs like her tongue is too fat for her mouth. She attempts to scrunch up her face, as she does when she is trying to figure something out, but it comes across more like a drunken squint. 

“Wha’” she trails off, her head lolls to the side, before she snaps it back up again. “‘re you doin’ here?”

“I could ask you the same.” He mutters trekking over a broken log to get to her. 

“‘M fine.” She weakly pushes the air with one arm, as he approaches, gesturing for him to go away. 

“Uh huh.” He ignores her weak swiping. 

The energy slowly saps from her and her uncoordinated shoos become slower, until she slumps even lower against the tree. She’s too weak to move and is teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. She attempts one final push, before collapsing and falling completely still. 

The unreasonable part of his brain spikes in worry as he thinks she’s dropped dead. Graham puts two fingers to her neck and sighs in relief when he feels the weak pulses of twin hearts. 

Despite her thinness she’s heavy in his arms, it takes a few tries to lift her. The cancer had left his body weakened, but Grace had insisted he exercised regularly to build up his strength, and the couple would go on morning and evening walks every day. He mentally thanks Grace for forcing him to get off his arse every morning as he wraps the Doctor up in his arms. 

He cradles her close, like a child. Her head flops lifelessly, hanging off his arm lolling with every step. He pauses and gently pulls her closer, tucking her head into his chest, holding the back of it with his hand. 

“Hmmm.” The Doctor mumbles against his chest, eyes fluttering. 

“You’re an idiot, you know.” He chides lightly, panting between each word. Deep down he’s angry, but right now he needs to keep his head together.

“Mmmm.” She moans again burrowing her face deeper into his chest. 

He’s slow and awkward, bumbling through the brush. Each step is hesitant, he can’t see his feet and is cautious not to trip over any branches. 

He walks until he can’t. His knees buckle, and he sinks to the ground. The Doctor jolts in his arms, but he holds on tight, preventing her falling. 

“Okay, okay.” He mutters to himself, trying to figure out what to do. 

He lays the Doctor gently on a patch of grass. In the distance he can hear the faint sound of cars passing. He must be close to the street. 

“Okay, you stay here.” he says, cringing internally right after he speaks. Where else was she going to go? The Doctor lets out a low moan, and her face presses into the grass, squashing her nose. Again, he would find this funny, if the situation wasn’t so dire. 

“Ah… okay.” He mutters to himself trying to figure out what to do. If he was the Doctor, he’d already have a plan and be rambling about sonic frequencies and other space mumbo jumbo. 

“Phone.” He concludes, fumbling around in his pockets. He old man jabs the numbers, making sure his nail clicks the screen and he calls the next best person in a crisis other than the Doctor, Yaz. 

The phone answers in less than a second. 

“Graham?” Yaz says, her voice is clipped and alert, as if she’d been waiting for his call. 

“Yaz, I’ve found her.” He says, cutting to the chase. 

“You found her!” Yaz exclaims on the other end, he can almost hear her smile. 

“Yeah,um might be one problem though, I don’t exactly know where we are.” 

“Send a live location.” She’s on the ball immediately. He can hear a car door close in the background. Should he tell her not to use her phone and drive? Maybe now wasn’t the best time for a lecture.

“Okay. How do I do that?” He asks confused. 

“Ugh, Graham. Go into messenger.”

“Is that the Facebook thing?” 

“Yes, it’s the Facebook thing.” She sighs on the other end. “Go to our messages, tap on my name and scroll down and tap share location.”

He mutters back her instruction as he goes, thumbing the screen harshly. 

“Okay got it, be there as soon as I can.” Yaz replies, followed by a loud revving in the background. If anyone could speed Graham figured it would be the police. The line goes dead, and Graham is left alone with the Doctor.

“So,” he begins awkwardly popping a squat next the near unconscious Doctor. “I bought a van.” He continues.“Not as good as a TARDIS I know. And you’re not even listening to me are you?”

The Doctor’s eyes are closed but her panting lets him know she’s still alive. He hopes Yaz is coming quick.

Less than 15 minutes later a very determined Yasmin Khan storms through the thickets.

“Doctor!” She exclaims, rushing to the fallen woman’s side and nearly pushing Graham over. She pulls the Doctor against her body. The blonde rag dolls in Yaz’s arms, her eye flutters and she lets out a pained whimper. 

“What happened to you?” Yaz whispers, taking in the Doctors broken appearance. Typically, in stressful situations Yaz flourishes, but that moment holding the broken body of the Doctor, she froze. She wraps her arms around frail shoulders and pulls the Doctors head to her chest. Already her shirt feels dampened from the fevered sweat rolling off the Doctor, who mumbles incoherently. 

“Shhh it’s okay.” Yaz tries to comfort, but her voice is quivering, and she can feel herself begin to cry. 

“Y’z?” The Doctor slurs, making Yaz cry harder. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Yaz sobs, rocking the Doctor back and forth in her arms. Her face is pressed in greasy blonde locks and a trembling hand soothes the fuzzy patch of regrowth. 

Graham watches on sadly as Yaz continues to mutter wrecked apologies into the Doctor’s mangled right ear. 

“We need to get her home now.” Graham says calmly, feeling the need to take charge of the situation. Yaz looks up at Graham with a dazed look, as if she had forgotten he was there. She doesn’t move for a moment and takes in two heavy breaths, composing herself. Her tears seem to evaporate immediately, and she gives Graham a determined nod. 

She doesn’t meet Graham eyes as he helps her bundle the Doctor into her arms. Half out of embarrassment, half out of the need to keep her eyes on the Doctor.

Graham fusses for a minute, making sure The Doctor is carried just right.

“I’ve got her.” Yaz said resolutely, locking eyes with Graham. 

And with that, the pair began their march back to the car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by somethinginaspacesuit pls check them out, they are wonderful :)


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